


I Never Really Know a Killer From a Savior

by lit_chick08



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comment Fic, Multi, PTSD, Sexual Assault, Triggers, pre-season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-28
Updated: 2012-03-28
Packaged: 2017-11-02 15:11:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/370363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lit_chick08/pseuds/lit_chick08
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She remembers when she used to be like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Never Really Know a Killer From a Savior

There are awesome advantages to being a vampire. For example, she's going to be at her absolute hottest for eternity and never have to be one of those sad, old women who Botox their faces and have their vaginas rejuvenated, so that's pretty amazing. And she's now stronger and faster and _powerful_ , which, to a control freak like her, is an incredible feeling.

But remembering everything she was compelled to forget?

That keeps her up at night.

* * *

The boys she likes never like her back. It's, like, a rule or something. And it's also a rule that, if she likes a boy, they like Elena. And Caroline _loves_ Elena but she also sometimes has this really twisted fantasy about shaving her head in her sleep.

So when Stefan Salvatore blows her off, tells her it's never going to happen, and then immediately goes to find Elena, Caroline isn't _surprised_ but it still hurts.

Now that she remembers everything, now that she knows all the players involved, Caroline wonders if Damon was watching, if he knew she was an easy target because of it.

* * *

She wasn't a virgin that night she brought Damon home. She wasn't even _close_ to being a virgin. Caroline likes sex, and she has never apologized for it. She brought Damon home because he was hot and kept saying all the right things in that unbearably sexy voice of his, undressing her with the most beautiful blue eyes Caroline ever saw, and Caroline wanted to have sex with him.

Until he bit her, it was _really_ good.

As she started to lose consciousness that first time, Damon rolled off of her and sighed, his breath smelling of iron, of _her_. He didn't finish undressing her, didn't rape her.

Sometimes Caroline thinks she would have preferred that. If Damon had jus taken what he wanted without her consent, she wouldn't feel so _dirty_ for giving it away voluntarily afterward.

* * *

Bonnie always reminds her it _wasn't_ voluntary, that Damon compelled her to not be afraid, to keep her mouth shut, to be pliable. Her best friend stresses that what Damon did was the vampire equivalent of dropping a roofie in a drink and having sex with someone who didn't know what was going on.

"He was an abusive asshole who raped you, Caroline," Bonnie stresses any time Caroline doesn't rush to vilify Damon.

And Caroline always stays silent because, even though she knows a lot of what Bonnie is saying is true, she also blames Elena for knowing what Damon was and doing next to nothing to keep her safe.

* * *

When she first gets the memories back, it's pure rage which fills her. Throwing Damon down a hallway wasn't enough; she imagines horribly vicious revenge schemes, ways to punish and make him _hurt_. But once Stefan teaches her how to control the monster inside of her, Caroline starts to let it go, to try to make peace with it. Forever is a very long time, and Caroline doesn't want to spend eternity as Damon's victim, so she vows to come to terms with what was done to her and forgive Damon.

But she doesn't forget.

* * *

Everyone seems to forget Damon's wrongs against them too quickly, which is why they're always surprised when Damon acts out against them again.

Caroline never forgets, so she's never surprised.

The only times she is genuinely surprised is when Damon does something that _doesn't_ hurt her.

* * *

The first time she sees Andie Star with Damon, the older woman is draped around him, nuzzling his neck, a scarf fashionably tied around her own throat. Caroline's fingers ghost to the spot on her neck Damon always dug his fangs into, the one over his favorite artery, now _Caroline's_ favorite artery.

When Damon kisses her, Caroline has to rush into the bathroom of the Grill so she doesn't vomit all over the booth she's doing her homework in.

* * *

One morning she comes over to meet Stefan to go hunting, and Andie is wandering confusedly around the driveway. She is dressed for work, a scarf firmly knotted around her throat, but there is a lost, unsure expression on her face. Caroline knows that expression; she saw it on her own face every time she ended up somewhere and did not know what happened. Now she understands that's what happens when Damon is sloppy with his compulsion.

Caroline cups Andie's face in her hands and tells her that she spent the night with Damon Salvatore, that she had a good time but that, the next time Damon hurts her, she needs to _run_ , to run as fast as she can no matter what. 

And once Andie leaves the driveway, Caroline collapses into tears because now she is an accessory in the unraveling of Andie Star.

* * *

After Stefan leaves with Klaus, Caroline doesn't see Andie with Damon for awhile, and Caroline wonders how he hurt her, if Andie ran like she was told or if Damon just threw her away too, her purpose served.

But then Andie starts showing up again, and the rage is back, the thirst for vengeance. It doesn't take much to put vervain in Damon's bourbon one morning; when he takes a swig and immediately screams in pain, dropping to the floor, Caroline pounces, pressing one of Alaric's stakes so tightly against Damon's chest, the point breaks his skin.

"If you do anything to her like you did to me, I'll fucking kill you," she growls around her fangs, pressing the stake in even further, scraping it against his breastbone when Damon tries to rear up. "I mean it, Damon. She's your girlfriend, and you're going to treat her like _gold_. You got me?"

When Damon snaps, "This is how you thank the guy who took a werewolf bite for you?" Caroline punches him in the face.

* * *

The next time she sees Damon and Andie, he is opening her car door, pressing a kiss to her temple. For the first time in months, Caroline does not see a scarf on Andie's neck.

Caroline sleeps well that night.


End file.
